A Bartenders favorite jokes
Alright, grab a stool and a cold one, because here come five of the best golf jokes that’ll make you laugh harder than a double bogey on a par three. Ready? Here we go:
The Mulligan Master
A guy walks into the clubhouse and says, “I got a hole in one!”
His buddy asks, “Which hole?”
He says, “All of them. I gave up after the first and went straight to the bar.”
Heavenly Handicap
Old Tom dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter greets him and says, “We’ve got a golf course up here.”
Tom asks, “Is it any good?”
St. Peter says, “You’re teeing off on clouds, the ball never slices, and the 19th hole has bottomless pints.”
Tom says, “What’s the catch?”
St. Peter says, “You booked a tee time with your mother-in-law.”
The Caddie’s Revenge
Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world.”
Caddie: “That would be too much of a coincidence.”
Divine Inspiration
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf.
Moses steps up, hits the ball into a lake. He parts the water, walks in, and chips it onto the green.
Jesus tees off, ball lands on the water, and he walks out and hits it to the green.
The old man hits the ball, it bounces off a tree, lands on a lily pad, a frog eats it, then an eagle snatches the frog and drops it on the green—right into the hole.
Jesus turns to him and says, “Dad, stop showing off.”
Golfing and Marriage
A man is on the golf course when he sees a funeral procession passing by. He stops, takes off his hat, and bows his head.
His buddy says, “Wow, that’s really respectful.”
He replies, “It’s the least I could do. We were married 35 years.”
Marriage Advice
After a long day of golf the boys hit the nineteenth hole and lost track of time. Bob says, “I gotta go! My wife never goes to sleep before I get home waiting to lecture me about my behavior”. Geno says, “Oh I found a fix for that a long time ago!” “How so?” replies Bob. “Well, it’s simple really. I make sure I approach the house at a high rate of speed and skid into the driveway. Then I kick the back door open with my foot and hit the stairs two at a time, yelling Who’s Horny?? She’s sound to sleep every time!”
And here’s a few from www.nationalclubgolfer.com
Second coming
A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud speaker: “Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the ladies’ tee box.”
The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud speaker.
The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot, approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: “We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the ladies’ tee box!”
To which the man turns around and yells: “And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!”
An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals.
He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the 1st tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a Mulligan. He pounds one down the centre of the fairway.
With a big smile, he asks the others: “In the States we call that a Mulligan. What do you called it here in Ireland?”
After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies: “Hitting three.”
Drink and drive
If you drink, don’t drive. And don’t even putt.
